leg cramp

i kind of woke up with one, but was able to catch it before it got really painful. i was hyper aware of my own sleep last night, like i talked myself through it. it kind of made me think of embodiment studies. i made my body take over in a very focused, almost meditative way. it's one of the first times i've ever been able to meditate without being guided. it was kind of cool, actually.

in other news, i almost went to bed very upset. luckily, my friend al doesn't really sleep and leaves his door open. cigarettes also help. i'd had such a good night too, it was really kind of... well, upsetting is an uncreative way to put it. without getting into specifics, because, well, no one really needs them, but i need to get the feeling part down to come back to, i feel really tired of starting new things. it's very daunting, and putting a month into learning someone new just to find out you didn't learn anything is really hard. i'm tired of writing prophetic poems. it's like i'm just fucking with myself.

tired, just tired. and a little mournful. but, tonight is the cabaret, so that's kind of perfect. always a good time.