beautiful, silly, and enigmatic

beautiful, silly, and enigmatic

that was how he described me
but damn the boy was always
in front of a mirror

his reflection was all over the place
and his image captured
everywhere we went
by friends and acquaintances
with devices meant for proving
real life was real
he was the "it kid"

we met in cafeterias
and i loved him
but
everyone wanted to be near him
and i never got
why i was the one
that got to sleep
skin to skin

never got comfortable
every night of sleep
there was this constant
self-awareness
even in dreams
each shudder of his leg
each arm adjustment

i was so sure he
was going to leave me
i didn't sleep for that entire
winter
despite how warm his body
was then

he was bob dylan
in that city
rambling like he was
born that way
and i never fancied
myself joan baez
wanted to so bad
but couldn't see the
beauty he claimed

i steered us clear
of washington square
and when he tried to offer me
diamonds
i just saw rust
in the icy snow
splattered like
blood

spattered like blood

maybe my memories
are getting mixed up

like the time i got a concussion when
i was a baby and got a Happy Meal
in the emergency room

there was no snow there
just linoleum
both times

they asked me
if it was him
to take my time
to be sure

but his reflection was
everywhere

and he wasn't beautiful anymore
wasn't silly
like in all of the pictures

then he was just cold

and now still
enigmatic.