da-mn

So I have been in a mode the last couple of days where I have been very much wanting to write, and it's not that I have writer's block, per se, but just have been getting so much intense emotion, information, and self-awareness that it's like I need to digest a bit or it's just going to come out as projectile vomit... lovely, I know.

One thing that's awesome, is that apparently, Goddard College has deemed me unfit to live with a roommate. This works really well for me, because there's such a social climate here, and its VERY intense, so it's nice to be able to retreat. I know, I know... you don't believe that. It's true, I sometimes become overwhelmed by other people. I have definitely found a couple of people that I have felt incredibly easy with... and I don't mean sexually, though admittedly, I have been like a 12 year old boy the last couple of days, and don't get me started on this new faculty member... da-mn.

I mean everyone here is INCREDIBLE. There isn't a person here you could spend a half hour with and not feel transformed in walking away. There is a handful of people, though, that I have felt immediately able to be myself with. I was having dinner with this one guy the other day, and I found myself talking very lightly about really intense personal experiences, and telling him things that I just don't talk about anymore. It was weird, and kind of intense, but didn't feel uncomfortable.

I have also been thinking a lot about pushing my comfort zone. I have a kick ass work group, and a great advisor, and I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time this semester working on my writing voice. I'm really trying to push those walls out, and find out why I choose the safe spaces that I do. On that note, I think I'm going to apply to the Youth Media Council job, just to see. They are taking applications until February 6th, and I'm not going to lie- I don't think I'm ready to push 3,000 miles out of my comfort zone- but I do think that if I don't at least apply, I will wonder. So I might as well at least take that step.

I'm really starting to be present with my own system of decision making and judgement. Why do I make the important life choices that I do? How have I gotten to where I am? How do I think about other people? How do I choose companions? Do I want to cuddle just because its cold?

but i digress