Window Shopping

my timing is off
again

like the jeans I wanted so bad
in that thrift shop window
but could not justify the expenditure

I waited too long
before dreaming about the way
they would hug my curves

and now they look good on her

me getting there just too late
with the emotional funds to commit

which you tell me all the time
"that's your problem, you never
get close enough"
and you get so close that I don't know
what to do
so I let you get close to women
who fall quicker than me
because I bruise easily

we talk in metaphors
you say
"see, you wait too long to tell
people how you feel"
and mean
"you could have kissed me a year ago"
I say
"you always fall for girls like that"
and mean
"what's wrong with me"

and we're talking about other
men and other women
but somehow it feels like
code
and I still don't know
if I have the emotional funds
necessary to purchase you
but I want to put you on layaway
which isn't fair to either of us
but your name pops into my head
whenever I see a star

and I can't tell if you're trying
to play salesman when you
call me
"babe"
or invite me on weekend
getaways
ask if you can spend the night
trying to get me to fork
over that heart
that part of you thinks I
don't have anyway

but it's not true
I do
and I know those jeans
would hug my curves
in all the right places
they would even look
good on my floor

I just don't know how many times
I would wear them
before they got tucked in the
closet
with all of my other
impulse purchases.