First Writing For

After Suheir Hammad's "First Writing Since"

For Lisa, Sofia, Jesse and Adrian

there can be no words.
i have not written one word.
no poetry in tears of sixteen year old motherless childs
no prose in the grief of childless mothers whose children will never be anything
but sixteen
not one word.

nineteen is a balancing act between adolescence and adulthood.
it was not meant to be his last- the world is turned on its end.
pins and purple ribbons where once were prom pictures.
memorial cards where once were high school transcripts.

hate boils on cold city streets. no, fear. and I stopped fearing for my
sister's life for 3 months while she read behind bars. and now again,
and for the rest of us, as we watch our future killed off in tens
and at ten.

first, please god, let her need a ride to the hospital, a stop at the flower shop.
then please god, let it be a grandfather, a great aunt.
please god, after the tears came, please, don't let it have been by
another 19 year old hand

i do not know how much better an accident is than a murder
when the result is another clock stopped before evening
what does it matter who took out the batteries?
i have never felt so helpless as there, holding tissues
like a white flag of surrender

more than ever, i believe there is no difference.
police, parents, papers and policymakers, still see only three words: "another teen dead"
between young mothers, drug dealers, best friends, honor roll students, star athletes.
more than ever, there is no difference.