For Billy

Tripping over legos
In the middle of the night
After giggling until it hurt.
Helpful trees and stolen paint
In the summertime.

Undercooked french toast
Sunday morning
Without waking dad.
Sewing, drawing, writing in
The backyard under lilac
Trees that made me sneeze.

Screaming and yelling,
Hair pulling- you’d bite me ‘til
I bled.
But if someone else tried to hurt me
You’d jump to my defense.
If something broke, we’d
Fix it.
And if I ever had a nightmare, and
My teddy bear could not coax me back to sleep
I always knew you would.

You love others
But cannot love yourself.
You’re beautiful when you smile
But grimace too much,
Beating your fists against iron walls
You’ve built around yourself to
Keep out
A warm embrace or a kind word
Woodworking frames around
Kurt Cobain
Worshipping a man you never knew
Hating yourself because you think it’s
What he would have wanted.