hmmm...

I've been thinking about being a grown up a lot lately. Mostly about how I don't think I'll ever really feel like one. What's the most weird about that is that I cannot ever remember feeling like I wasn't a completely capable autonomous being. Like, how we coddle three year olds and try to do things for them. When I was three, I remember feeling like I was totally capable of doing anything and of taking care of myself. Twenty years later, I feel like I stumble more than I ever have in terms of capability. I depend more on my relationship with my parents than I have in recent memory, even when just for little bits of advice or highway directions.

Anyway, what I really meant by thinking about being a grown up, is that I've been thinking a lot about the fact that 25 is not very far away, and I'm almost half done with grad school and I'm going to be in a place to make big career moves when I have my MA. I'm also beginning to look at doctorate programs. Specifically EdD programs. Because, you may or may not have heard that I want to start my own school. Right now, not so qualified to do that.

Further than that, I've been thinking about why I want to start my own school. One, because I really like teaching, and I think our public schools have it pretty messed up. I'm pretty fascinated by educational theory, and ways to work cultural diversity training, media literacy education, and social justice work into primary and secondary education. Small class size, technology training, multi-aged grouping, and project-based learning are some other stuff I'm looking into.. but that's beside the point. I've realized, and I mean I guess I knew this, because it was a conscious decision I made, but it just kind of hit me that a big part of why I want to start my own school is so that I can educate my children, but also be working and be teaching other children. I don't want to put my kids in daycare or get a nanny, but I want my career too.

I've been pretty vocal about this, but I think it's bizarre in our culture that we separate adults and children so much. I feel so privileged to work in environments where children are a welcome addition to the dynamic. I have had 3 baby-filled meetings this week, which is probably the catalyst for this rant, and I love having them around. I mean, really, how weird is it that women are asked to CHOOSE between career and children. Screw that, I can create life in my body, I can do both. It's just been kind of weird to be thinking about these things in a life planning sort of way lately. Like, this is not far away big dreams stuff. This is in the next five years blah blah blah. And it doesn't freak me out that I'm thinking about it. Which kind of freaks me out.